I know what you’re thinking, “you must be out of your mind! there’s no such thing!” But nay, it is true. He was at the bagel place eating a herb cheddar bagel with cream cheese with two slices of brain on top.
Hahahahaha well not brain, but he was making weird groaning noises and kept talking to himself.
He made me think, what would I do if there was a freak accident at one of the bio tech facilities in Temecula and people turned into zombies and went on a rampage?
First off I get conflicting education from movies. Some zombies are slow walkers with their arms out in front, and some are fast as hell and would easily outrun my as I would make it probably 10 feet before my back let out on me. So what would I do? Where would I go? Who would I stupidly risk my life to protect and end up falling in love with?
To take a page from the xbox 360 game Dead Rising, a mall would be a great place to ride out my last moments as a free thinking, non brain addicted individual. Malls do offer a lot of security, not the Paul Blart type but the control of doors and windows. You could easily lock yourself in or out of a store. There is a food court to keep your non-brain eating tummy desires fulfilled. There’s usually bookstores and video game stores to keep you busy as you wait for the government to send in black ops marines to see if anyone has survived before firebombing the city. The Temecula Promenade mall doesnt have one but should have one would be a gun and ammunition superstore. That would make the remaining hours of my life that much longer. Considering our mall doesnt have a weapons cache, I would have to go MacGruber on their asses. Im sure the discount perfume and cologne store thats owned by that persian dude contains lots of flamable liquid.
It would also be nice to have some non-zombie company. “Non Zombie” being the key word. First I would need the ex-cop or ex-military explosives specialist, because honestly when it comes to blowing up zombies, I’m sorta clueless. I would also need the chubby guy whose full of wit and comedy. I know a lot of you reading this would say, hey that guy is you, I know, but I’m saving myself for another role. I also need a cool black guy, not to be racist or anything, but for the stereotypical reasons they always get eaten first, which gives me more time. Obviously a hot chick that never in a million years would hook up with me, thats the girl I will be stupidly risking my life to protect. In the end we will be lovers, its a given. And last but certainly not least would be me, the brains of the operation, pun intended.
10 Rules of zombie invasions I’ve learned from TV and film:
First off I get conflicting education from movies. Some zombies are slow walkers with their arms out in front, and some are fast as hell and would easily outrun my as I would make it probably 10 feet before my back let out on me. So what would I do? Where would I go? Who would I stupidly risk my life to protect and end up falling in love with?
To take a page from the xbox 360 game Dead Rising, a mall would be a great place to ride out my last moments as a free thinking, non brain addicted individual. Malls do offer a lot of security, not the Paul Blart type but the control of doors and windows. You could easily lock yourself in or out of a store. There is a food court to keep your non-brain eating tummy desires fulfilled. There’s usually bookstores and video game stores to keep you busy as you wait for the government to send in black ops marines to see if anyone has survived before firebombing the city. The Temecula Promenade mall doesnt have one but should have one would be a gun and ammunition superstore. That would make the remaining hours of my life that much longer. Considering our mall doesnt have a weapons cache, I would have to go MacGruber on their asses. Im sure the discount perfume and cologne store thats owned by that persian dude contains lots of flamable liquid.
It would also be nice to have some non-zombie company. “Non Zombie” being the key word. First I would need the ex-cop or ex-military explosives specialist, because honestly when it comes to blowing up zombies, I’m sorta clueless. I would also need the chubby guy whose full of wit and comedy. I know a lot of you reading this would say, hey that guy is you, I know, but I’m saving myself for another role. I also need a cool black guy, not to be racist or anything, but for the stereotypical reasons they always get eaten first, which gives me more time. Obviously a hot chick that never in a million years would hook up with me, thats the girl I will be stupidly risking my life to protect. In the end we will be lovers, its a given. And last but certainly not least would be me, the brains of the operation, pun intended.
10 Rules of zombie invasions I’ve learned from TV and film:
- Zombies don’t care if you punch them in the face, only a bullet to the head kills them.
- If your friend gets bitten, don’t hesitate to kill him, he WILL eat you when he gets the chance.
- Inversely, if you get bitten, its very important to convince your friends you wont eat them, because after all, your different than other zombies, you’re the same ol buddy they’ve known since high school, just with a very slight hunger for brains. Plus, you don’t want to get shot in the head.
- Hot chicks always end up with the main protagonist, which is why I chose myself for that role, I'm not stupid you know.
- There’s always some sinister or morally corrupt company thats to blame, find out who, thats always the key to survival and its always makes you feel better to blame someone else.
- If you walk around with a limp moaning “Brains” its a good chance the zombies will think you are one of them and will not eat you.
- You can destroy an entire mall, steal or break anything you want, set fire to the Gap, ride the lawn mowers a Sears through a glass wall at Macy’s and no one will blame you (hence why number 5 is so important)
- Everyone has once in their life wanted to shoot their coworker in the face, now is your chance.
- No matter how much of a loser you are in real life, you will look like a badass with ripped clothing and an assault rifle hanging on your back while holding a shotgun.
- Don’t let their blood get in your mouth or eyes. If you do, see number 3.
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